How to cope and heal –

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When I was growing up, the world was the perfect place. The only problem was that it was not. I used to believe that everything can always be "honest." For me, this meant that no one should ever be offended, and if so, justice should be served. I fought hard for what I thought should be. But in my struggle, I forgot the fundamental truth about this life. In my childhood idealism, I did not understand that this world is inherently imperfect. We, as humans, are inherently imperfect. So we will always a mess. And in these disturbances, we inevitably harm others, consciously and unconsciously, intentionally and unintentionally. The world would not always be fair.

Does this mean that we stop fighting injustice or refuse Truth? Of course not. But this means that we should not keep this world – and others – an unrealistic standard. But it is not always easy. How do we live in such an imperfect world, where people have failed us, and even our own family can break our hearts? And, perhaps, the most difficult thing, how do we learn to forgive when we are offended? How do we become strong without being firm and remaining soft, without being weak? When do we hold, and when can we let go? When cares too much, too much? And is there such a thing as love more than we should?

To begin to find these answers, we must first take a step beyond our own life. We need to find out whether we will be the first or the last to feel pain or to be offended. We need to look at those who came before us, to study their struggle and their triumphs. And we must recognize that growth never comes without pain, and success is only a product of struggle. This struggle almost always involves restraint and overcoming the harm done by others.

Recalling vivid examples of our prophets, we recall that our pain is not isolated. Remember that the Prophet Nuh was offended by his people for 950 years. The Quran tells us: “Before them, the people of Noah rejected (their apostle): they rejected our servant and said:“ Here is one obsessed! "And he was cast out" (quran, 54: 9) Nuh was so cruelly exhausted that he finally “called his Lord:“ I am defeated: help me (me)! "(Koran, 54:10)

Or we can remember how the Prophet камня was stoned until he was bleeding, and how the comrades were beaten and starved. All this harm was in the hands of others. Even the angels understood this aspect of human nature – before we even became. When Allah told the angels that He created humanity, their first question concerned this harmful potential of people. Allah tells us: "Behold, your Lord said to the angels:" I will create a vicar (of mankind) on earth. " They said: “Can you know there the one who does evil and shed blood in them? "(Quran, an, Half past two)

This potential of humanity to commit terrible crimes against each other is the sad reality of this life. And yet many of us are so blessed. Most of us did not face such disasters that others experienced throughout the time. Most of us will never watch our families be tortured or murdered. And yet, few of us can say that we have never suffered, anyway, from someone else. Therefore, although most of us will never know how to starve to death or are helpless because our homes are destroyed, most of us will know what it means to cry from wounded hearts.

Can this be avoided? To some extent, I think so. We can never avoid any pain, but by adjusting our expectations, our response and our attention, we can avoid many destructions. For example, all the trust, trust and hope of another person are unreal and just stupid. We must remember that people are mistaken, and therefore our supreme trust, confidence and hope should be placed only on Allah. Allah says: “… he who rejects evil and believes in Allah, grabbed the most reliable handle that never breaks. Allah hears and knows all ”(Quran, 2: 256) Knowing that Allah is the only channel that will never break, will save us from unnecessary disappointment.

And yet this does not mean that we should not love or love less. This is how we love what matters. Nothing should be our main object of love, except Allah. Nothing should come to Allah in our hearts. And we should never reach the moment when we love something other than Allah, in such a way that without him it is impossible to continue life. This type of “love” is not love, but actually worship, and it causes nothing but pain.

But what happens when we do all this, and still we have been offended or hurt by others – how will this inevitably also happen? How can we do what is most difficult? How can we learn to forgive? How can we learn to correct our scars and continue to be good to people, even if they are not good for us?

In the story of Abu Bakr radiate Allah anhu (may Allah be pleased with him), this is an excellent example of this. After his daughter Ayse (d) was slandered in the worst way, Abu Bakr (d) learned that the person who started the rumors was Mista, a cousin, whom Abu Bakr supported financially. Naturally, Abu Bakr refused to charity, which he gave to the slanderer. Shortly thereafter, Allah opened the following ayu: “Let not those of you who are doomed to grace and the amplitude of funds decide an oath against helping your relatives, those in need and those who migrated in the way of Allah. Let them forgive and miss. Don't you want Allah to forgive you? Verily, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful ”(Quran, 24:22) Upon hearing this ayu, Abu Bakr decided that he wanted Allah's forgiveness, and therefore he not only continued to give the person money, but also gave him more.

This kind of forgiveness is in the heart of the believer. Describing these believers, Allah says: “And who avoids more heinous sins and abominations; and who, when they are transferred to anger, will readily forgive ”(Quran, 42:37)

The ability to easily forgive must be due to the awareness of our own shortcomings and mistakes in relation to others. But, above all, our humility must be due to the fact that we are mistaken by Allah every day of our lives when we sin. Who do we compare with Allah? Yet Allah, the Master of the Universe, forgives day and night. Who are we to forgive forgiveness? If we hope for the forgiveness of Allah, how can we not forgive others? It is for this reason that the Prophet teaches us: "Those who do not show mercy to others will not show mercy to them from Allah." [Muslim]

This hope of the mercy of Allah must motivate our own desire to forgive and once enter a single world that is truly perfect.

Original source: http://www.virtualmosque.com/relationships/brotherhood-sisterhood/hurt-by-others-how-to-cope-and-heal/

Afflicted by others: how to cope and treat Last modified: July 31, 2018 from Writer

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