Contemplating Suicide Because No One Will Marry Me
Ustadha Raida Shah Idil answers the question of how to deal with suicidal thoughts and despair because of the inability to find a marriage partner.
Assalam alaikum va rakhmat Allah va barakatuh.
I pray five times a day, but I feel that my life is coming to an end. Allah did not give me height, beautiful appearance or wealth. I know that those who kill themselves are punished in Hellfire forever, but I’m already going to hell, because I’m still not a good Muslim. Why am I suffering so much? I was denied marriage so many times, and I refused to marry because I am only 5 feet 4. I see only two options: kill myself or cut myself off from everyone I know, like my family, and from this world. Please help me.
Wa Alaikum Assalam Wakhmat Allah Wa Barakatuh.
I pray that it will find you well. May Allah reward you for contacting us during the crisis.
Dealing with suicidal thoughts
Dear questioner, I cannot imagine how much pain you are experiencing now. The fact that you are considering suicide shows me how stunned you are. It looks like you tried to do everything to make things better, but nothing works. and you feel that ending your life is the only way to save you from pain.
Do you have a plan for how you want to end your life? If so, I urge you to seek professional help. Please find a suicide hotline in your area and call them immediately.
If you do not have a plan, consider the possibility that you may feel better. You have listed only two ways forward, but there is a third option. You can access the crucial part of your brain only when you exit the current state of combat or flight.
Allah loves you
From Musab ibn Saad it was said that his father Saad ibn Abu Wakkas said: “I said:“ Oh, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, which of the people are most experienced? “He said,” Prophets, then the next best, and then the next best. The man is tested according to his religious obligation. If he is firm in his religious obligation, he will be subjected to a more severe test, and if he is weak in his religious obligation, his test will be consistent with his obligations. The trials will continue to suffer a person until they leave him on earth without sin. ” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Dear questioner, please know that Allah is experiencing those he loves, and the depth of your trials shows me how much Allah loves you. You probably do not believe me, but please know that this is true.
Love, especially Divine Love, does not mean getting everything you want. Sometimes it is an act of love to keep. Sometimes it’s easy to forget, but we were not created to marry. We were created to worship Allah and to obey His Decree, even if especially if – what He wants for us does not coincide with what we want for us.
Know that Shaitan is the one who is desperate, and he wants you to despair too. Do not fall for his lies. None of us knows whether we are meant for Hellfire or Heaven. That is why we strive and have a good opinion about Allah.
The source of your pain
Please know that the true source of your pain is to detach from yourself and from Allah. When you correct these blackouts, only then can you find lasting relief.
First, calm down, Counsel Next
When you are physiologically flooded, nothing I say to you will calm you down. You need to work on reassuring yourself first.
What helps you to relax? Does listening to the Qur’an help? Sounds of nature? Going for a walk? I recommend guided meditations from applications like calm and Headspace, Find your breath and be in touch with it. Imagine that you breathe relaxed and exhale your pain. Being in nature is also very reassuring, so I also recommend.
The deepest healing is dhikr and dua. I recommend you consult with Healing of Aafia as soon as you can. In the meantime, pour out your sorrow in dua Selected prophetic prayers for the spiritual, physical and emotional well-being of chaplain Ibrahim Long,
Perfectionism is a lie that the world teaches us. Many of us believe that if we were more attractive, more successful, more charming, we would finally get what we are striving for.
It seems that you believe that the reason you are not married is that you are not tall and handsome. I invite you to consider this possibility: perhaps you are not married yet, because Allah, the All-Knowing, knows that you are not ready.
Marriage, and then raising children, is both bliss and difficulty. I urge you to learn the best skills for complacency and emotional regulation before you become a husband and a father. Too many men all over the world bring their unhappiness and anger to their wives and children, causing them great trauma.
The best gift you can give to your future wife and children is a good character. Work on acceptance, contentment, gratitude, forgiveness, and other prophetic qualities.
Born without arms or legs
In the modern context, I urge you to think about the life of Nick Vujcic, who was born without arms and legs. His story is deeply touching. After an unsuccessful attempt at suicide in 10 years, he found meaning from his great difficulties and now affects the lives of millions of people around the world. He is also married and has four children.
If he could commit suicide, he would not marry his loving wife and not become the father of his children. He is not a Muslim, and Allah blesses Him with His blessing for blessing. What miracles are waiting for you?
Please, dear questioner, choose a life. Choose to have a good opinion about Allah. Trust His plan for you.
I pray that once you play with your children, smile at your wife and that your terrible pain is forever forgotten.