How can I stop thinking about women? I try too fast, but I don’t have enough money to get married, and I try to look down, but it’s so difficult. Please advise.
Assalamu Alakum va Rakhmatullahi va Barakatuh
Thank you for your question.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
“Tell believers to lower their gaze (look at forbidden things) ...” [Surat al-Nur: 30]
Al-Junaidu (rahimahullah) was asked: "With what are we trying to help lower our gaze?"
He replied: "Your knowledge that He is looking at you precedes what you are looking at."
Regarding these verses, Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) says: “So, He (Allah) put purity after lowering his gaze and protecting private parts. For this reason, reducing the look of forbidden things requires three big advantages. The first of these is the sweetness of Imaana and the joy that comes from her, which is more pleasant and pleasing than that from which he distracted his eyes from Allah. Indeed, he who renounces Allah for the sake of, He (Subhanahu Vataala) compensates him better than this ... The second advantage is the light in the heart and the quality of intuition ... and the third advantage is the strength of the heart and stamina and courage. So, Allah (Subhanahu Vataala) will give him, by His power, the ability of wisdom and justification, and the devil runs from him, as was mentioned in the saying: "Whoever fears his whims, the devil will be chasing his shadows."
So, part of the answer, dear brother, is recognizing that Allah is watching you and that, looking at what He has forbidden, you risk losing the opportunity to see Him on the Day of Judgment.
As for practical advice:
1. Install a firewall on your computer / laptop that filters obscene material
2. Sign up for an online program to help you deal with pornography. Clear your look - this is the one I would recommend.
3. Try not to put yourself in a situation that will complicate you. Therefore, avoid places that will make your mind wander, and also be alone with your computer / laptop / TV.
4. Posting controls what He desires, and builds this consciousness with Allah, necessary to combat this disease.
5. Remind yourself often of rewarding paradise for dropping your eyes.
May Allah make it easier for you and give you strength and firmness. Amine
And Allah knows best.
Answered Sheikh Omar Suleiman
Director - Islamic Educational Foundation
Advice for someone trying to control their thoughts and views Last modified: October 3, 2018 from