The relationships between humans are certainly not apart from verbal communication or talking with each other. In Islam, when we talk, we must uphold the manners that have been taught by the Prophet saw. The following are 8 manners in talking and its verses that need to be noticed:
1. Talking about the good one
When we are given a gift of talking, then only talk the good one. As Allah has commanded,
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَقُولُوا قَوْلًا سَدِيدًايُصْلِحْ لَكُمْ أَعْمَالَكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ وَمَن يُطِعِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزًا عَظِيمًا
“O believers, fear Allah and say the right words, certainly Allah amends your alms and forgives your sins. Whoever obey Allah and His Prophet, then indeed, he has attained a great victory.” (Al-Ahzab: 70-71)
In the Shahih book no. 6477, from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet said,
إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِالْكَلِمَةِ مَا يَتَبَيَّنُ مَا فِيْهَا يَهْوِى بِهَا فِي النَّارِأَبْعَدَمَا بَيْنَ الْمَسْرِقِ وَالْمَغْرِبِ
“Indeed, a servant that say the words that are not thought about the impacts will make him fall into hell that is deeper than the distance of east to west.”
2. Do not gossip
One of the biggest sin contributors of human is the verbal. The amount of gossip that is done makes even a theologian can go into hell. In the book of hadith Shahih Muslim no. 2589, it is explained,
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ سَلَّمَ قَالَ : أَتَدْرُونَ مَا الْغِيبَةُ قَالُوا اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَعْلَمُ قَالَ : ذِكْرُكَ أَخَأكَ بِمَا يَكْرَهُ قِيلَ اَفَرَاَيْتَ إِنْ كَانَ فِي أَخِي مَا أَقُولُ قَالَ إِنَّ كَانَ فِيْهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدِاغْتَبْتَهُ وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيْهِ فَقَدْ بَهَتَهُ
“Narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam once asked the companions, “Do you know what gossip is?” The companions answered, “Allah and His Prophet know more.” He said, “Gossip is telling the things about your brother that he does not like.” There was someone replied, “How if what I am talking about is really in him?” He answered, “If that so, it means that you have done gossip about him, meanwhile if what you are talking about is not in him, it means that you have lied upon himself.”
3. Looking at the other person’s face
If talking directly, then look at the person’s face who is talking. This will make them feel more appreciated. From Ibn ‘Abbas, he said,
إنّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ اتَّخَذَ خَاتَمًا فَلَبِسَهُ قَالَ : شَغَلَنِي هَذَا عَنْكُمْ مُنْذُ الْيَوْمَ إِلَيْهِ نَظْرَةٌ وَإِلَيْكُمْ نَظْرَةٌ ثُمَّ أَلْقَاهُ
“The Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam had a ring and wore it, he shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “This ring has been keeping me busy from (watching) you since today (I wore it), for a moment I looked at it, for a moment I saw you.”. Then he threw the ring.” (Shahih An Nasa’i: 5304)
Listen to other people who talk very enthusiastic. Even though we have heard it before, we should keep listening to it well.
‘Ataa’ bin Abi Rabah said,
إن الرجل ليحدِّثني بالحديث فأنصت له كأني لم أسمعه وقد سمعته قبل أن يولد
“There was a man telling me a story, then I was silent to really listen to him, as if I had never heard that story, in fact indeed I had ever heard that story before he was born.” (Siyar A’laam An-Nubala 5/86)
5. Do not interrupt
The next manner when talking is to not interrupt. People who like to interrupt other people’s talk are very impolite and selfish people.
Al-Hasan Al-Bashri said,
إذا جالست فكن على أن تسمع أحرص منك على أن تقول , و تعلم حسن الاستماع كما تتعلم حسن القول , و لا تقطع على أحد حديثه
“If you are sitting and talking with other people, you should be excited to listen more than your spirit of talking. Learn to be a good listener as you learn to be a good speaker. Do not interrupt other people’s talk.” (Al-Muntaqa page 72)
6. Do not debate
Sometimes in a conversation, there is a debate. In Islam, a debate usually occurs, however it should be avoided. Even though we are right, we should give in so that there is no long debate.
The Prophet once said,
ﻋَﻦ ﺃَﺑِﻲ ﺃُﻣَﺎﻣَﺔ ﻗَﺎﻟَﻘَﺎﻝ ﺭَﺳُﻮﻝ اﻟﻠَّﻪ ﺻَﻠَّﻰ اﻟﻠَّﻪ ﻋَﻠَﻴْﻪ ﻭَﺳَﻠَّﻢ ﺃَﻧَﺎ ﺯَﻋِﻴﻢ ﺑِﺒَﻴْﺖ ﻓِﻲ ﺭَﺑَﺾ اﻟْﺠَﻨَّﺔ ﻟِﻤَﻦ ﺗَﺮَﻙ اﻟْﻤِﺮَاء ﻭَﺇِﻥ ﻛَﺎﻥ ﻣُﺤِﻘًّﺎ ﻭَﺑِﺒَﻴْﺖ ﻓِﻲ ﻭَﺳَﻄ اﻟْﺠَﻨَّﺔ ﻟِﻤَﻦ ﺗَﺮَﻙ اﻟْﻜَﺬِﺏ ﻭَﺇِﻥ ﻛَﺎﻥ ﻣَﺎﺯِﺣًﺎ ﻭَﺑِﺒَﻴْﺖ ﻓِﻲ ﺃَﻋْﻠَﻰ اﻟْﺠَﻨَّﺔ ﻟِﻤَﻦ ﺣَﺴَّﻦ ﺧُﻠُﻘَﻪ
“I guarantee a palace around heaven for anyone who leaves debate even though he is right. And in the middle of heaven for someone who leaves a lie even though he is joking and in the highest part of heaven for those who have praiseworthy morals.” (Hadith Abu Dawud, in the sunan, no. 4167)
7. To much talking
One of people who suffers a loss is the one who talks a lot. The Prophet himself had warned those who talked too much.
The Prophet said, “And indeed, people who I hate the most and the seat is the farthest among you from me in the doomsday are people who talk a lot, people who are fluent in the way they talk and arrogant people.” (Hadith Tirmidzi)
8. Always honest
The example that was always exampled by the Prophet during his life was always telling the truth. Honest in talking shows someone’s Islam, then we should always be honest in every word even though in jokes.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بنِ مَسْعُوْد رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : عَلَيْكُمْ بِالصِّدْقِ ، فَإِنَّ الصِّدْقَ يَهْدِيْ إِلَى الْبِرِّ ، وَإِنَّ الْبِرَّ يَهْدِيْ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ ، وَمَا يَزَالُ الرَّجُلُ يَصْدُقُ وَيَتَحَرَّى الصِّدْقَ حَتَّى يُكْتَبَ عِنْدَ اللهِ صِدِّيْقًا ، وَإِيَّاكُمْ وَالْكَذِبَ ، فَإِنَّ الْكَذِبَ يَهْدِيْ إِلَى الْفُجُوْرِ ، وَإِنَّ الْفُجُوْرَ يَهْدِيْ إِلَى النَّارِ ، وَمَا يَزَالُ الرَّجُلُ يَكْذِبُ وَيَتَحَرَّى الْكَذِبَ حَتَّى يُكْتَبَ عِنْدَ اللهِ كَذَّابًا
From Abdullah bin Mas’ud radhiyallahu ‘anhu he said: “The Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, ‘You should always be honest, because honesty brings to kindness, and kindness delivers someone to Heaven. And if someone is always honest and still chooses to be honest, then it will be noted on the side of Allah as an honest people.
And stay away from lying, because lying brings someone to crime, and crime delivers someone to Hell. And if someone always lies and chooses to lie, then it will be noted on the side of Allah as a liar (liar).” [Ahmad (I/384); al-Bukhari (no. 6094) and in the book of al-Adabul Mufrad (no. 386) At-Tirmidzi said, “This hadith is hasan shahih.”]
Those were the 8 manners in talking and its verses that need to be done. Even though it is trivial, however remember that there are many people in the grave who want to return to fix everything because of their words before. Hopefully we are all kept away from the danger of talking. Aamiin.