7 Manners of Associating with the Opposite Sex and Its Verses

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associating with the opposite sexIn Islam, the interactions between a man and a woman have a specific way that must be obeyed. As we know, interacting with the opposite sex can not be done carelessly because Allah has regulated it in the Qur’an and it is clarified again through the Hadiths. The following are 7 manners of associating with the opposite sex and its verses that need to know:

1. Covering aurat

For a woman who wants to communicate with a man that is not mahram, then she should always keep her aurat covered. Do not wear clothes that attract attention that causes a whisper of Satan and even causes to fall into a lust. As Allah says,

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُلْ لِأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَنْ يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ ۗ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَحِيمًا

“O Prophet, tell your wives, daughters, and the believers’ wives, “Let them extend their hijab to their entire body!” So that they are easier to be recognized, so they are not disturbed. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (Al-Ahzab/33: 59)

2. It is forbidden to be alone together

There is no prohibition in associating with the opposite sex, however it needs more alertness and caution in doing it. This is to prevent slander and even the fall of the both of them into great sins. One of the manners that need to be obeyed is not being alone together. When there are only two of them, then the Satan will be easier to tempt and whisper various kinds of temptations of sin that seem beautiful. Even though a pious person still should avoid it.

From Umar bin Khattab, the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

“Let none of you be together with a woman (who is not mahram) because Satan is the third person, then whoever is proud of his kindness and sad with his badness, then he is a believer.” (Hadith Ahmad)

3. Looking down

Both men and women, it is better to look down when communicating. This is because in a view, there is a temptation to commit adultery by showing the beauty and enjoyment that actually traps.

From Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu, the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

“It has been determined for the children of Adam (human) the part of the adultery, where he definitely does it. The adultery of eyes is seeing, the adultery of ears is hearing, the adultery of oral is talking, the adultery of hands is hitting, the adultery of feet is walking, and the adultery of heart is lusting and dreaming, which all of them are proven or not proven by the private parts.” (Hadith Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

4. No touching

The interactions between the opposite sex are allowed in Islam, as long as it is still in the limits that are allowed in Islam. One of them is forbidden to touch. This is in accordance with what the Prophet said before,

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The Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

لأَنْ يُطْعَنَ فِي رَأْسِ رَجُلٍ بِمِخْيَطٍ مِنْ حَدِيدٍ خَيْرٌ لَهُ مِنْ أَنْ يَمَسَّ امْرَأَةً لا تَحِلُّ لَهُ

“Stabbing someone’s head with an iron peg, it is indeed better for him than touching a woman that is not mahram.” (Hadith Thobroni in Mu’jam Al Kabir 20: 211. Syaikh Al Albani said that these hadiths are sahih)

5. No makeup

In Islam, a woman is only allowed to put on makeup in front of her husband. It is the same when associating with the opposite sex. A woman who purposely puts on makeup even wears fragrances to attract men is a woman who is very low in Islam.

The Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ اسْتَعْطَرَتْ فَمَرَّتْ عَلَى قَوْمٍ لِيَجِدُوا مِنْ رِيحِهَا فَهِيَ زَانِيَةٌ

“A woman who wears a fragrance then she passes through men so that they smell the fragrance that she wears, then the woman is a prostitute.” (Hadith An Nasa’i no. 5129, Abu Daud no. 4173, Tirmidzi no. 2786 and Ahmad 4: 414. Tirmidzi said that these hadiths are hasan sahih. These hadiths sanad are hasan, said Al Hafizh Abu Thohir)

6. Keeping the communication intensity limits

Remember that associating with the opposite sex has many risks, especially slander and adultery. Therefore, do not communicate with the opposite sex too often so that nothing happens that makes us fall into sin. An exaggerated communication can cause misunderstanding and slander.

The Prophet once gave a warning to all of us,

مَا تَرَكْتُ بَعْدِي فِتْنَةً أَضَرَّ عَلَى الرِّجَالِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ

“I will not leave, after my death, slander (test) that is more dangerous for men than (slander) women.” (Hadith Al-Bukhari no. 5096 and Muslim no. 7122)

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7. Not mingling

The other manners of associating with the opposite sex are not mingling. We should separate ourselves from the opposite sex when we communicate. As the companions did when they asked the Prophet’s wives.

Allah Ta’ala said,

وَإِذَا سَأَلْتُمُوهُنَّ مَتَاعاً فَاسْأَلُوهُنَّ مِن وَرَاء حِجَابٍ ذَلِكُمْ أَطْهَرُ لِقُلُوبِكُمْ وَقُلُوبِهِنَّ

“If you ask something (necessity) to them (the Prophet’s wives), then ask it from behind the curtain. That way is purer for your heart and their hearts.” (Al-Ahzab: 53)

Those were 7 manners of associating with the opposite sex and its verses that need to know. That is all for this brief article. Hopefully we can protect ourselves by building a strong faith in the middle of the world temptations. Aamiin.

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